The rise of the agendas

Sounds like a science fiction movie from the 70s, right? Well, don’t worry, it’s only my second installment on preemptive preparation for your upcoming holiday season. Having just said that, however, you shouldn’t get all that relaxed, because the days between Thanksgiving and December 25 can be like a month in the squirrel cage if not managed carefully. There is probably no other time of the year when emotions, responsibilities and the general pressures of life all combine to work their effect on us. Thanks to a visit from Helene, it’s not enough that you are still dragging trees to the curb, patching the roof, and having weekly meetings with your insurance adjuster. Nope, because now, the Christmas holidays are sledding toward you packed with all the things that must happen in the next couple of weeks to make this holiday another memorable one for all. With that, comes the effort to control the chaos, and that means one thing. Making Lists! Everybody in the house has their list, and as the days grow shorter, the lists get longer. Naturally, every list is the most important one, and everyone thinks their list should be first. Lists are like the little soft-spoken baby sister who sends notes or suggestions to headquarters of things that should get attention. They are whispered, sweetly phrased requests, until they are ignored, and then lists can quickly turn into the older big brother who is known as, “agendas”. Agendas are loud and sort of “Grinchful”, and this is where the chaos of Christmas can really get cranked up. Agendas should not necessarily be thought of as mean and disruptive, but we all know how the banjo string of patience can only stretch so far even in the most serene and patient homes, and when was the last time you were in a serene home around Christmas? But let’s stop right here and remember we are talking after all, about the season of hope and kindness and understanding when we anxiously welcome the warmth of goodwill and tradition which can also get us completely in over our heads with all the commitments and obligations, we wrap ourselves up in like duct tape. Recently, two airline flight attendants got in over their heads and ended up being escorted from their flight for being FUI (flying under the influence). I’m sure it was just eggnog that they chose to celebrate the season with, but if you had to put up all day with stressed out people crammed into tiny little seats with all their agendas, I imagine you too might understand how these young ladies felt the need for a little holiday cheer. Well, back to our discussion of the demands of lists. The lists of lists can be staggering. There are lists for the outdoor Christmas decorations, lists of cooking that must be done, lists of Christmas cards to write, lists of social events to attend, lists of gifts to be given, lists of relatives on the way, lists of lists, and the list of the List Superintendent. I also think there should be a Czar of Christmas Lists and Agendas. This person should have power to control and modify all lists as well as the power to seize all cell phones, computer passwords, TV remotes, plastic credit or debit cards, checkbooks, PlayStation, X box and any other electronic gizmos. This would make her power supreme and complete (you noticed I said ‘HER”), and then She could settle any list of controversies that might erupt in this season of peace.

I hope this gives you some assistance in preparing for the coming holidays. If it doesn’t, don’t blame me. Talk to the Big Guy with the white beard in the red outfit. He started all this list business a long time ago, checking it twice and all that. I will close with an offering a reader sent to me of the top 5 common sense things NOT to do during Christmas: 1. Don’t get sick 2. Don’t write a big ‘ol alligator check on your little hummingbird bank account. 3. Don’t talk politics, period. 4. Don’t ask how Uncle Clarence is doing unless you know he’s still alive and out of jail. 5. Don’t wear that ‘GOT PARDON?’ t-shirt at your divorce hearing. I would add two more suggestions. Send your insurance adjuster a really, really nice Christmas card, and make sure the first and most important thing on your list is to celebrate Christmas as the birthday of the Infant Christ in Bethlehem. If you do that, most everything else will take care of itself.

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