By the time you read this, this country will have formally installed a new President, crowned a new number one team as the champion of college football, observed the annual celebration of a national civil rights leader’s birthday, and said “so long” to former President Joe Biden. If everything went according to plan, all of that was done in less than 24 hours, beginning Monday morning. Now that’s what you call plowing a long field in a short day. But just to put a little more on your plate and make things a little more interesting, the weatherman also warned us we better get ready for between one and three inches of snow down here in Emanuel County Georgia beginning late Tuesday night. Now, all these events packed into a tight time frame might make folks nervous. They don’t exactly understand it, but folks can get fidgety, and fidgety people get apprehensive, and what do apprehensive people do? They, of course, go out and buy gas and milk and beer, just like they do around a full moon. Surprised? Just ask any policeman or sheriff’s deputy or mental health professional, and they’ll tell you. So, when you get a national football playoff, a new President coming into town, an old President throwing in the towel and three inches of snow all happening together, the next thing you know, you got fender benders in the Walmart parking lot and school buses in the ditch, and things start getting a little wobbly. Now, what I can’t do is predict the future, but what I will do is offer my best prognostications about what most likely would happen and did happen during this anxious period. First, I would say it is most likely that Donald Trump got inaugurated. I know that’s not what some folks wanted to hear, but there it is. I think it would also be safe to say that the celebrations honoring Dr. Martin Luther King went off just as scheduled. The next most-likely occurrence is that Ohio State probably beat Notre Dame, but honestly, that’s not real high on the apprehension scale down here, and really, the Dawgs weren’t playing, so who cares anyhow? Next, I would also predict that Joseph R. Biden did finally face the fact that this was his last ride on Air Force One, although if he stole the keys when he was stumbling down the steps of the plane, I would not be a bit surprised. Finally, I would predict that the “three inches of snow” on the ground never happened mainly because the weatherman who forecasted that is the same one who said we were going to have a mild, dry winter this year. He is now taking a job as the new volcano guide and weekend weatherman at WLOL in Thule, Greenland after his favorability rating in Georgia dropped down below that of General William Tecumseh Sherman.
So, as you read this, I am glad you survived the frenetic pace of this busy week. If things went as you expected, good for you. If the events of the week did not quite go as you imagined, I understand your disappointment. Regretfully, I must remind you that I cannot be held responsible because I am only in the business of predicting what might happen in the past. I admit it’s not a great talent, but the odds are a whole lot safer, and by all indications, accuracy in journalism is a thing of the past, which I accurately predicted long after it had already happened. Amazing, isn’t it ?
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