Christmas thoughts

It’s that time of year again. I have the same indescribable feeling every year. It’s not sadness. It’s not joy. I have put up no tree and no wreath. I suppose I can best describe it as contentment and complacency. If slowly rushing is a thing, that’s what I do. This year, I’ve let time slip by with no thought of holiday baking until now, with Christmas just days away. It has always given me so much pleasure to make some Christmas goodies for gifts. So, I have spent the last few days preparing bags and boxes for my friends. This year I filled fourteen boxes and bags and delivered them, to my closest friends here at Magnolia Manor. I love being able to do this, and every year, I swear I will not be physically able to do it next year. But somehow, the good Lord lights a fire in me, and I manage to do it. This year, I made scones, brownies, crack candy, apple mini cakes, white chocolate pretzels, and white chocolate chip cookies.

I have very few definitive memories of Christmas growing up. I do remember Daddy bringing home a beautiful tree he usually cut himself, and the sweet smell of a cedar tree in our living room. We decorated it with glass ornaments, the big red, green, and yellow/white bulbs strung around the tree, and polished off with those awful silver icicles which were supposed to be hung one at a time. I always got tired of that way too soon and just threw the last ones haphazardly wherever they landed. I loved to look at the tree when it was dark with no lights on other than the soft glow of those big bulb Christmas lights. It really was mesmerizing. I also remember going out behind our house and finding a wild plum tree and breaking off a nice sturdy branch with lots of stickers on it. I would get some silver aluminum paint and paint the branch, put it in a flowerpot, and stick brightly colored gum drops on the prickly stickers. I ate the gum drops until the tree branch was bare. I don’t know how I managed without poisoning myself eating gum drops from aluminum paint. I could never wait until it was dry! Being an only child growing up, there wasn’t much laughter or excitement, and the process was done without much fun fare.

‘);

I always wished for one “big” thing and anything else was appreciated but I did not expect much. I don’t recall having a fireplace mantle in our living room, but a stocking would be tucked somewhere under the tree holding an apple, orange or tangerine, some raisins on stems and some walnuts or black Brazil nuts. Being the only one receiving attention was uncomfortable to me. I’m sure momma and daddy must have exchanged gifts, but I don’t remember that. I was their world, and they made sure I had whatever I had hoped for. I distinctly remember one year, I must have been six or seven years old, opening my “big” present and when I saw it, I cried out “But I wanted a BIG doll, not a small one!” As long as I live, I will regret that. I’ve thought about it so many times and know how it must have hurt momma and daddy because I’m sure they thought they got exactly what I wanted. As I type this now, my eyes are leaking with shame. If I had my life to live over, knowing what I know now, I would do things differently. Wouldn’t we all? I would be so thrilled with that doll! I would laugh and dance and hug them so tight.

When I was 15 years old, I wanted a 45 RPM record player so badly so I could listen to all the current popular music. I loved Nat King Cole, Tennessee Ernie Ford, Eddie Fisher, and so many more. We went to Dublin one cold and dreary Saturday and walked around until we found a store that had just the right record player for me. It was a small, brown player just perfect for a teenage girl. I picked out a few records, mostly Christmas ones. Silver Bells and White Christmas for sure. I was so happy! That record player was my best friend during the cold winter days while I sat in front of the fire in my room.

Maybe next year I’ll figure out why I have this stoic feeling at Christmas. Getting older just changes your whole life! Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year! Comments can be made to LaRose at [email protected].